Womyn Should Not Be Shamed Into Society's Norms

In our society today words such as "slut", "hootchie", "whore" are applied on an everyday basis for many girls and young women today. Words that have become acceptable because they turn into headlines in the media, topics for policy reform within our education system; Words used as an excuse to an enduring oppression for women of all ages within our society. A new method of checks and balances as to how and what we should like. And if we don't conform to these norms then we pay the consequences b being labeled these words that are perceived as derogatory.

School policies banning strapless prom dresses in New Jersey or body shaming policies in Stuyvesant High School in NYC enforce a silent message to theses young students on body shaming that will persevere throughout there lives after their academic years and onto adulthood. Not only do these policies send out the message in which young girls bodies are ruled not by themselves but by someone else's, they send out message of insecurity perpetuating a sense of inferiority simply because we're are women. As if being a woman one has to already abide by the approval of others. And if one does not abide by these norms then we would be labeled slut or invite negative actions towards us such as rape.

I clearly remember growing up in a similar culture during my high school years. Where if I wore a mini skirt in High School I'd look like a hootchie. Or if the girl next to me wore a low cut shirt would be slut. One  would be shamed away from wearing what we desired to wear simply because certain outfits would be labeled negatively by our peers. Now if we add today's policies implemented by academic administrators, we are marking a bullseye on young girls today. More victims of bullying, or a legit reason to dignify certain rape cases where "she was asking for it" may be used simply because our institutions have labeled dressing a certain way against the rules.

One does not escape the eyes of critics when we grow up. If anything I'd it becomes worst. In a recent headline, singer/performer Jennifer Lopez was criticized for wearing an inappropriate outfit for her performance in Britain's Got Talent. Labeled as family friendly, critics were on her case as to not dressing more modestly. This brought upon the question as to what a woman should dress like in order to represent modesty amongst a family.

Coming from the city, there was never a definition of what a mom looked like. There was no dress code or any form of socioeconomically labeling a mom in the city. On the other hand a suburban mom can also be known as the soccer mom. Maybe a depiction of a Stepford wife came to mind, but today less 1950s and more SUV, running to play dates, where dressing comfortably was the outfit of the day everyday. Maybe making a generalization but you get the idea. If one decides to move away from the monotonous stereotype of a mom in suburbia one attracts the perpetual body shaming we as women have endured since we were young. Once again the norm of what a mom looks like and what we have to conform to even if we might not agree continues to oppress us on an individual level.

Body shaming simply perpetuates the notion that women's appearances are valued over what we contribute to our society on a social and economic level. School policies surrounding itself on body shaming simply enforces and teaches students body shaming is permissible. This notion extends itself post academia and onto other steps in their lives. We should be able to wear and carry ourselves however we want. We should be able to celebrate our diversity as women not attack each other or enable ways and methods of oppression amongst us. There should not be a specific definition of what a girl should look like or a mom should look like or any woman should look like. We should not look over our shoulders for approval. We should celebrate our differences and our ability to choose what we want to be because it makes US happy.

A Reflection on International Women's Day...

Today is International Women's Day and a day of reflection for many, if not all of us. I will not rant on how we are Divas and Goddesses of the world. Instead I will rant upon my reflections as a woman and the legacy I have followed and hope to pass onto my daughter.

Today I reflect on the women in my family and some of the women I've met throughout my life. Today I reflect on what I hope to pass onto my daughter. How I hope to empower her. How I hope she can empower herself in a world full of gray complexities. A world in which empowered and enriched my identity.

While I think of all these women everyday through my decisions, my writing and thoughts....I'd like to point them out today.

A mothers love and care for her family is impacting and never leaves a daughter's thoughts no matter how old she is. As the oldest in my family I remember my mother's sacrifices. Her three hours of sleep were enough for her every day, working over eight hours and still having the energy caring for us. Sacrificing her desire to be with my brother and I at all time in order to provide for us alongside  my father. Yet still making time to be with us even for a few hours. Today she is a doting and wise grandmother who passes down her wisdom and surprises me everyday on all things she knows.

I never met my grandmother. But it really doesn't matter due to the legacy she left behind. I saw it everyday growing up as my father would tell us stories of my grandmothers strength. Stories my aunts and uncles would tell would simply reaffirm that she was my version of Wonder Woman. I was named after her and till this day I feel it's a name I hold dear and heavily. She became a mother at thirteen and mothered eight children. With the help of my great great grandmother she became a strong business woman and sole provider of her family. She died young but her name lives on through stories of fairness, devotion and love not only with her family but with people she helped through her good fortune.

College was a transforming experience for me. After high school I thought I knew it all, I thought I knew myself...but I was wrong. Who knew taking a Latina Women course would change my life forever.  As an elective I thought it would be a breeze to take yet it proved to be one of the most difficult courses...as it was a course which wasn't based on what I would learn from a textbook. Instead it was a course which I was forced to learn about mysel and who I really was. Through Professor Elizabeth Garcia's course I faced the complexities I was exposed to and was taught I actually had choices within them. Following her two additional courses in college I grew to learn about myself and understand in depth where I came from and how it formed me to be the person I was. I felt liberated, accepting of myself for all the gray areas I had. I embraced my identity as a woman, as a Latina, as a human being. I met other young Latinas such as myself and realized we all navigated through a gray area in which only we would understand. And while it was hard it empowered us for hit ever lied ahead.

As a new mom, I'm scared. Scared to fuck up. Yeah I know all parents say or think the same. But I am scared to not continue passing down this sense of empowerment to my daughter. I don't want to teach my daughter on how to be a little diva. I don't think of manis and pedis or dress up--- who knows if she'll even like that!! Instead  I want to pass down love and humanism. I hope to pass down a sense of activism and pride for who she is. And not for what this society expects her to be. I want to pass down strength and love for education and the wisdom her ancestors have passed down. I hope to teach her tolerance of diversity in the world.

Being from the city, living and now raising a child in suburbia, an unkown culture, I know all of this might be hard. Briefly being exposed to a culture obsessed with image and status I have come to realize I will be working overtime exposing her to a world beyond one single environment. A world that while it might be complex to navigate through, its worth doing so.

I hope to teach my daughter everything these women in my life have taught me. I hope to teach her what I learned and continue learning  on my own. I hope I will never teach her hypocrisy. I hope she has the opportunity to meet amazing human beings as I have had the privilege to.

I hope many things for her...the list could go on. But to sum it up I hope she will always find fulfillment on the three pillars....spiritual, physical and mental.

A Latina Whom Attained a College Degree & Stayed at Home

As I took in my fill of daily news from vast resources, I toppled over a depicting article on the record number of Latinas attending College and staying at home. An article which sparked a sense of nostalgia for me as I can understand this observation.

According to the Pew Hispanic Center -- 611,000 Latina Females are enrolled in two year colleges. Unlike African-American and Whites, there are further and deeper factors to approaching and attaining a College Education.Based on the Tomas Rivera Policy Institute in 2003, factors of family, cultural tradition and community factoring in a young Latina/o's decision on where to attain a College education. The sense of familismo, personalismo, machismo, marianismo all factor in (of course, on different levels according to individual experience).

Not only am I first-generation Latina in the United States, I am also the oldest in my family. As the oldest, I took on many responsibilities. Taking care of my brother, helping my two hard-working immigrant parents in every aspect. One can say I grew up rather quickly; at eight years old I spoke English and Spanish fluently becoming my family's advocate in all aspects of life. I learned of the importance of family in order to succeed in this world and thus it resonated (still does) through everything I do.

Education is an important pillar of my family. Attaining it was and is the best inheritance my parents could have instilled in my brother and I. Be that as it may, attaining it had its differences compared to many of my peers in High School.

My senior year was crucial as the question of whether or not I would continue my education was fervently present! I did not come from a top-tiered high school. It was actually a poorly funded school. We had a small prospective graduating class and many of the same were already struggling enough in trying to stay on a passing scale. Many of us came from struggling social and economic backgrounds so the idea of College seemed far to most.

However, an opportunity opened at the start of my last year. A scholarship to DePauw University in Greencastle, Indiana!!  Out of eight candidates, only two scholarships were available and I was offered one of those opportunites. My hard work in school and support from my family helped me get there. The question was, would I take it? One signature of acceptance would grant me the opportunity to attain the education my family & I desired.

Reflecting upon this question, unlike other cultures, as a Latina I was not able accept the scholarship. Not only for my family who did question as to why would one have to travel in order to attain an education; but for myself. My family's support was pivotal in my success in academia and moving away from that, I was confident it would only hinder my goals to attain a College degree. Instead I chose to attend a CUNY College and pursue my Masters within the CUNY system as well. A decision rewarding me with amazing and inspirational Professors and peers.

Looking back to this decision, I have no regrets. At first it was difficult as boundaries of understanding were established between my family and I. We relied on each other but they established a support system in which helped me attain a standard GPA and willingness to pursue an advanced degree in Political Science. Yes, I still was my family's advocate but THEY were my foundation to attaining something no one can ever take away from me.

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In Two Worlds, Love & Life Turn It Into One

What we assumed to be a routine doctor’s appointment for my husband and I, turned out to be a life changing point in our lives on May 9^th, 2012 – we were pregnant! Both excited with the news, we knew our lives would forever change.   

After notifying both sides of the family, our cultural differences would evidently be present in the next chapter of our lives. And while it all has been positive, my husband, our families and I would have to again, re-acquaint ourselves with our cultural differences.

Living and interacting with women in my suburban community has led me to observe a difference in which Michelle Fine and Lois Weis stated on their book, The Unknown City: The Lives of Poor and working-class young adults.  A perception that good mothering was mostly present in a circumstance of money, time and excess; what I have recognized suburbia to be, to a certain extent. Despite this broad perspective of positive mothering, Latina mothering would challenge this concept through its cultural values of familismo.

While a mother/father’s economic capabilities are essential within any cultural realm, family is equally as important. Coming from a predominantly Latino neighborhood in Queens and growing up with a vast amount of Latino peers, family was recognized as a core foundation to growing up. Most of us might have been part of large families, with a low economic background nevertheless, there was always mamita, papito, ñañito, tio/a, abuelito/a; among many other family members to raise us, instilling values education, morality, spirituality augmenting our cultural traits.

Our parents represent these two separate but equally important perceptions of what good parenting would be. And while many new parents might have a huge checklist to cover on preparing themselves to be a parent, our parents seem to be providing much of it.

My in-laws have been very much present in this journey they have been so helpful in making sure our home is ready to welcome a baby. Home repairs have been the order of the day from my father in law and an essential commodity check-list from my mother in-law has been and I know will be useful in months to come.

On the other hand, my parents are equally as amazing. As a first time mom-to-be, there are vast amount of changes that I have been going through – psychologically, physically & spiritually. My mom has been a great mentor and adviser. Her love, example and words have been encouraging and essential from day one to both my husband and I. My fears and concerns are comforted by her maternal experience and love. She brings my Ecuadorian roots to life with home remedies, embodiment of maternity and motherhood and self-empowerment.  My dad’s words of experience and sense of openness as a parent provides a foundation for us, as parents to be.

According to an African proverb, “It takes a village to raise a child” and in our case, it seems as such. Our parents bring two important aspects essential to soon to become parents such as my husband and I. And we are both confident and ecstatic there are grandparents, parents and even a loving uncle that await to bring two worlds together into one unique and exciting adventure!

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In A Fast-Growing Latino Student Body, The Importance of Ethnic Studies is Essential to Both Latinos and Non-Latinos

Being around other Latino peers such as myself throughout the first five years within the New York City Public School system, made me overlook that we, as a community were a minority within society. It was not until Junior High School, where I realized how small of a student body Latinos were in the public school system.  

The lack of ethnic studies only added to the perpetuated social isolation within the primary and secondary public education environment. Somehow the rich history of Latinos within the United States got lost among Pilgrims, Ellis Island and World/Cold Wars. We were lost among a richly Euro/White-centric academic curriculum. And thus, we as students were lost, only trying to find our identities in a society that kept us as foreign.  

According to the Pew Hispanic Center for Research, between 1972 and 2011, Latino public school students K-12 rose from 6.0% to 23.9%. One in every four students are Latino present day, and in twenty-five years it will be one in every three.

Parallel to this rapid growth, certain States have adopted a method to empowering and recognizing the Latino community. One example would be the Tucson Unified School District, like other Districts in other states have adopted some form of ethnic studies program designed to include and thus educate students within a diverse community. While empowering their sense of identity, students learn of the rich history their communities have within this country.

As of January of 2012, the governing board of the Tucson School District banned this program, claiming it was unlawful and dangerous to this country’s security. However, last time I checked history should not be selective in providing facts.

It wasn’t until I enrolled in College where I found a sense of self-identity and empowerment. Ethnic studies, history and political science were some of the many courses that opened my eyes to facts left out of the primary and secondary public school system. No one can say history is pleasant and I will agree, much of what is left out is history of oppression, marginalization and subjugation.  

Nevertheless, these facts are an important part to learn as both a Latino/a and non-Latino/a. Contrary to what many conservatives might fear, knowledge of the truth does not promote hate towards the society we live in.  It provides a sense of self-identity and worth within this country. A sense of responsibility to move forward, away from mistakes that may have been committed due to lack of knowledge and tolerance. As well as an appreciation to what our ancestors contributed to U.S. History.

We are the largest growing minority in the United States, thus society has to accept this rapid change and instead of isolating our community through hateful policies and bans on ethnic studies programs; they should recognize us, as Latinos. As many immigrants before us, we have our own history, identity and way of life. We cannot be forced to live through other communities’ histories nor identify through their way of life and how they assimilated to this country. For if we continue to be isolated, this fact too, will resonate throughout history. Perpetuating a division within a country that is rapidly changing its demographics, isolation will simply create the animosity that conservatives fear if policies of tolerance and diverse education were implemented.  

Searching for a Colombian Bakery, Finding an Unexpected Bond

I guess you could say I was spoiled. I grew up in Queens, with access to whatever type of Latin cuisine I might want: chorizo (pork sausage), pan camarones (a huge and delicious version of a croissant) and spices from across the Americas in the local supermarket. My parents, who are from Ecuador, only cooked Latino food at home, and we lived in a place where we could find the ingredients for many of our traditional dishes.

When I moved to the Village of Babylon, in Suffolk County, things were a little different. There are lots of great reasons to live in Babylon – the schools, the friendly people, the green space of suburbia – but comida latina isn’t one of them. There is one Latin restaurant, Don Ricardo’s, but back in Queens, I not only had a range of restaurants, I could head to a certain neighborhood and find dozens of Colombian, Peruvian, or Guatemalan places.

I needed to find my own little Queens out on Long Island, but I didn’t know where to start. I asked my husband and my in-laws, who are of Irish and Polish ancestry, but it was obvious they were as helpless as I was. So I turned to the Internet. I decided to look for a bakery, and my search led me to the hamlet of Brentwood.

According to the most recent census data, 69 percent of the population in Brentwood is Latino. Puerto Ricans were the first Latino group to settle in the area, but since then, immigrants from El Salvador, Colombia, and the Dominican Republic have joined them.

Like many city folks, I was accustomed to using my Metrocard to get around, but, as you may know, that’s kind of difficult on Long Island. So I enlisted my father-in-law, Warren, as my driver.

My father in-law has lived on Long Island most of his life, since the 1950s. From his stories, you get the impression that he witnessed Long Island grow from a sleepy sliver of land into a vibrant, populated suburb. While he knew of Brentwood – its demographics and location – he did not know any more beyond that. So together we went off on an adventure, heading into another world that was mostly new to him.

The drive to Brentwood was a little chatty, at least from my part. I could tell that Warren was hesitant. Not because he didn’t want to go, but because he was driving to the unknown. I told him what I thought the place would be like based on my experiences growing up in Queens (and I’ve been to my fair share of Latino bakeries!). He smiled as if he was preparing himself.

While he was nervous, I felt awe and nostalgia as we drove through Brentwood. The demographics seemed to change rapidly.  The sound of Spanish music from surrounding cars, the numerous families walking together, the colorful outfits – all reminded me of where I lived my whole life. I quickly turned to my father in law and shouted, “This is like Queens!” Of course, it wasn’t identical, but I no longer felt out of place. I had found my new home away from home.

The first thing I noticed walking into El Paisita on Suffolk Avenue were the sounds: Latin music and a Spanish-speaking channel on the television played simultaneously, although the TV was at a very low volume, only enough to slightly hear what was airing. Then the smell of bread, empanadas and sweets. My father-in-law looked around quietly; he was scanning and taking in everything he saw, all with a smile on his face. I could tell he was excited to explore.

He didn’t know what to expect and was fearful his lack of Spanish-language skills would create an instant barrier between him and the people in the bakery. The customers were predominantly Latino, but the employees welcomed my father-in-law by speaking to him courteously in English. That seemed to do away with his self-conscious feeling.

We sat down together and ate pan de bono, a type of cheese bread, washing it down with Tropical, a saccharine soda imported from Ecuador (and a personal favorite).

The trip to El Paisita became our thing, and after that first journey, we took lots of other 20-minute rides to Brentwood, talking about the diversity of the community and of Suffolk County. For me, it was a good excuse to sample fresh breads, but I was also touched to see my father-in-law pushing himself to experience something different. As a transplanted Latina in the suburbs, I felt like I was constantly adapting to different cultural norms, and it made me happy to see that he was willing to learn a bit about me, even if it made him feel out of place at first.

That uncomfortable feeling didn’t last long, however. The sense of welcoming by El Paisita’s customer service and delightful goods made him so fond of the place that sometimes I’d call the bakery with the order, and he would go to Brentwood and pick up it up by himself. 

This Article was first featured in Long Island Wins: http://www.longislandwins.com/index.php/culture/detail/searching_for_a_colombian_bakery_finding_an_unexpected_bond/

Culture Clash at the Altar: My Wedding, My Parents, and Being Latina

My husband proposed on Valentine’s Day of 2010. As cliché as it sounds, it was our anniversary as boyfriend and girlfriend—to me that made it all the more romantic.

Then came the wedding. I know this will sound strange to many readers, but I was actually kind of dreading it. I wasn’t worried about being married; it was the ceremony itself that made me nervous.

I have Ecuadorian roots and his are Irish and Polish, but both of us felt the same pressure. Many of our acquaintances, family members, and friends wanted us to have your typical Long Island bridezilla extravaganza: limos, pricey food, an army of guests, all-star photographers, exotic flowers. Más que todo: Money, money, money, money.

Instead, we chose an intimate ceremony at City Hall in Manhattan, becoming husband and wife in September of 2010. Needless to say, we experienced a bit of a backlash. Not only were we defying conventional American culture, we were also breaking away from Ecuadorian and Latino tradition.

As a Latina, weddings are the “Happily Ever After” in all novelas. After strife and obstacles, two people – in front of a priest and inside a church – are finally able to seal their love in the company of family and friends.  Of course, anyone who watches novelas knows that there’s always an evil twin brother lurking in the closet or an amnesia-provoking accident about to happen. So maybe soap operas aren’t the best examples around which to base our lifelong commitments.

For my parents, a wedding was important for other reasons. Growing up in a Latino household, spirituality played a pivotal role within our lives. We would attend Sunday mass every week. My parents were very serious about spirituality, so serious that they chose to wait for us to grow a little older in order to receive our sacraments. That way we would be conscious of what we were doing and appreciate the importance of it. So when my husband and I got married at city hall, they weren’t very happy about the decision.

As a second-generation Latina immigrant, I can see the influence of religion on my family, and, by extension, on me. In her article, “Fathering Latina Sexualities,” University of Texas Professor Gloria Gonzalez-Lopez hypothesizes that all Latino cultural traits can be understood through the prism of religion. So it’s not surprising that our families think that we should be getting married in a church, and not in a government office. I can imagine the voice going through my dad’s head: How can a family function without religion?

While I did not want to displease my parents, I also didn’t want to make a decision about this new lifelong commitment solely based on what they wanted. I asked myself what role faith played in my life—values of respect, family, tolerance, and humanism were all things I learned through the influence of religion. When I thought about it, religion had helped shape many of the core principles that I thought should serve as a guideline for starting a family. So when I acknowledged this part of my identity, I thought it made sense to have a spiritual ceremony. And, of course, my parents didn’t forget to remind me.

I spoke with my husband, and he agreed to the ceremony. We both thought that spirituality and religion would be an important foundation for our family, as it had been in mine. I wasn’t choosing a religious ceremony to be “queen for a day” or to have an over-priced celebration; I was embracing being a Latina.

When I explained our plan for a simple ceremony to our parish priest in Babylon, I thought he might be taken aback, since there wouldn’t be any lavish decorations or trappings. Instead, he seemed pleasantly surprised, saying, “That is what a marriage really is.”

This Article was first featured in Long Island Wins: http://www.longislandwins.com/index.php/culture/detail/a_culture_clash_at_the_altar_my_wedding_my_parents_and_being_latina/